About the Author

BIOI was born in 1968 and spent the majority of my childhood outside of the classroom. I wasn't touring the world, exploring new cultures. It wasn't some great experiment foisted upon me by a couple of free-spirited parents. Rather, from the first through the sixth grade, most of my teachers would toss me out of class within minutes of me taking my seat.

I earned it though. I've always been a smart aleck.

I was with some old couple in an elevator not too long ago-very respectable looking people. I hit the button for my floor. Nothing happened. The woman, observing, profoundly noted, "It didn't light up."

"Very few things light up when I touch them," I reflexively answered.

The rest of that ride we all kept silent. I wasn't fond of that look the old man gave me either. But I had to expect it. I'd seen that reaction before ... many times.

Sophomore year of high school, during the first week of classes, my English teacher asked each student to write a paragraph on their ideal person of the opposite sex. (You could ask that question back then.) She told us that at our election, we could do it anonymously. So, each student wrote a very thoughtful description and submitted it without their name-except me. I proudly put my John Hancock down on mine ... but not on my second, unofficial submission. That one I did anonymously. Didn't matter. Having had me in her class already for a day or two, the teacher figured out the author. I saw her chin drop when she read it. Then she turned to me with a menacing glare.

"It wasn't me!!!" I yelled. But we both knew. Everyone knew.

"I'm not even mad," she said. "I just want to know if this is what you really believe."

I couldn't answer. Even back then, as a moronic kid, I realized it would have been an ill-advised admission of guilt.

A few things have happened since my high school days. I went to college at Brandeis University (1990). Law school at Cardozo (1994) followed. (And I actually passed the bar both in New York and New Jersey.) A good portion of my twenties was spent working and studying in Asia. And by the late 1990s, I was living in New York. I worked at a talent agency that had Howard Stern as its biggest client ... an experience that gave me the tools to found my own agency of twenty plus years-most notably, a label maker and a stapler.

Oh! And I also managed to make a kid. Best thing I've ever done. Smarter and better behaved than I ever could have hoped to be. And the pr*ck is better looking too. Don't get me started.

And now, apparently, I'm a professional author. Maybe that will give me something to talk about the next time I see that couple in the elevator.