In February 2015, Ivan Maisel received a call that would alter his life forever: his son Max's car had been found abandoned in a parking next to Lake Ontario. Two months later, Max's body would be found in the lake. There'd been no note or obvious indication that Max wanted to harm himself; he'd signed up for a year-long subscription to a dating service; he'd spent the day he disappeared doing photography work for school. And this uncertainty became part of his father's grief. I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye explores with grace, depth, and refinement the tragically transformative reality of losing a child. But it also tells the deeply human and deeply empathetic story of a father's relationship with his son, of its complications, and of Max and Ivan's struggle-as is the case for so many parents and their children-to connect.I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye is a stunning, poignant exploration of the father and son relationship, of how our tendency to overlook men's mental health can have devastating consequences, and how ultimately letting those who grieve do so openly and freely can lead to greater healing.
In February 2015, Ivan Maisel received a call that would alter his life forever: his son Max's car had been found abandoned in a parking next to Lake Ontario. Two months later, Max's body would be found in the lake. There'd been no note or obvious indication that Max wanted to harm himself; he'd signed up for a year-long subscription to a dating service; he'd spent the day he disappeared doing photography work for school. And this uncertainty became part of his father's grief. I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye explores with grace, depth, and refinement the tragically transformative reality of losing a child. But it also tells the deeply human and deeply empathetic story of a father's relationship with his son, of its complications, and of Max and Ivan's struggle-as is the case for so many parents and their children-to connect.I Keep Trying to Catch His Eye is a stunning, poignant exploration of the father and son relationship, of how our tendency to overlook men's mental health can have devastating consequences, and how ultimately letting those who grieve do so openly and freely can lead to greater healing.
Ivan Maisel is Vice President/Editorial and Senior Writer at on3.com. He has covered college football for nearly four decades, from 2002-2021 as a senior writer for ESPN, where he wrote for ESPN.com, appearing on television, ESPN Radio and on podcasts. He also served as Editor-at-Large for ESPN College Football 150. Prior to joining ESPN.com, Maisel covered national college football for Sports Illustrated, Newsday, and The Dallas Morning News. He has been honored eight times for Best Story by the Football Writers Association of America, and twice by The Associated Press Sports Editors, which in 2019 named him one of the 10 best sports columnists. Maisel earned a bachelor's degree in American Studies from Stanford University.
"His deeply personal and moving book, I Keep Trying to Catch His
Eye: A Memoir of Loss, Grief and Love, is a testament both to a
father's love and to the human soul's ability to grieve and
remember and still not lose hope." --Kerri Miller, Minnesota Public
Radio
"An intimate chronicle of abiding love."--Kirkus
"For those who read this work, we see Max as he was. We see a
family that makes the best they can through a time of grief. And we
see that the human spirit, the will to both hold on and move on are
both valid and necessary. And in that final understanding we find a
way into each day's new dawn. And for that and so much more, I
cannot recommend this book enough."--Jay Paterno
"[A] beautiful and heart-wrenching work... Flashbacks to Max's
childhood make him a vivid personality, and photos of him
throughout render the author's grief devastatingly visceral...
Maisel writes honestly... The result yields a deeply affecting
testament to the fragility of life, and the human capacity for
resilience."--Publishers Weekly
"[A] poignant, understated memoir... Those who have lost a child
will find a kindred spirit here."
--Booklist
"At the center of this beautifully written memoir by a father about
his son Max, is a loving, devoted family. Ivan is a sportswriter,
his clean, direct writing style is riveting and emotional. One
winter day, when his son goes missing on purpose, the family
unspools first in shock, then grief, and finally redemption as the
author finds a letter written to him from Max from happier times.
There is so much love in this memoir, the reader too, is redeemed.
There is humor and grace as the Maisels find their way in the world
without this beautiful soul in their midst. The family holds their
memories of this original, one of a kind young man in their hearts.
You will too. I couldn't put it down."--Adriana Trigiani,
bestselling author of The Shoemaker's Wife
"Having lost a child myself, it's hard for me to imagine a parent
experiencing anything that is more painful. Losing a child to
suicide adds another layer to the grief because we can't understand
why it happened. In I Keep Trying To Catch His Eye, Ivan Maisel
shares his family's story of losing a son to suicide. He examines
some deep issues that aren't easy for us to talk about--suicide,
mental health, grief, and recovery. This book will be helpful to
anyone dealing with the loss of a loved one but especially to those
who have been impacted by suicide."--Tony Dungy, NBC Sports, former
NFL player/head coach and member of the Pro Football Hall of
Fame
"Losing a child is every parent's nightmare; losing one to suicide
deepens the anguish unimaginably. Here, a father shares his grief
and valuable lessons on how he carries on."--People Magazine
"Loss and grief create a division between the uninitiated and those
who speak the language. Maisel's gem of a book bravely bridges two
worlds to help translate the many facets in grieving a child's
death. Unvarnished and unsparing, this award-winning sportswriter
turns the lens on his own journey to make sense of the
unimaginable, demonstrating how we get through it without ever
getting over it."--Lee Woodruff, #1 New York Times bestselling
author of In An Instant
"This is a poignant memoir about the love that propels us to carry
on and move forward after loss. Ivan Maisel gives voice to emotions
that many of us have felt but few have been able to
articulate."--Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of
Think Again and coauthor of Option B
"This is a story about grief, and loss and sorrow, yes. But it is
also a story about triumph over those things, about love, devotion
and grace."--Wright Thompson, New York Times bestselling author of
Pappyland
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