Pride and Joy provides guidance to parents on how they can preserve and strengthen feelings of joyfulness and pride in their relationships with their children, while also nurturing their children's optimism and resilience in the face of life's inevitable disappointments. Kenneth Barish, a child psychologist with over 30 years of clinical experience, begins with a discussion of the importance of the child's emotions - and our own - in optimal child development. In Part I, he presents a child therapist's understanding, supported by scientific research, of healthy and unhealthy emotional development in childhood - what goes right and what goes wrong in the lives healthy and troubled children and families. In Part II, the author discusses four principles of emotional health and character development: Positiveness, Repair, Getting Along with Others, and the development of A Moral Self. Part III addresses problems of daily family life - rules and limits, doing homework and going to sleep, winning and losing at games, our children's reluctance to talk to us, their tantrums and lack of motivation, and their addiction to television and video games. Barish presents recommendations for solving these common problems that so often erode the joyfulness of children and adults' pleasure in being a parent. Over the course of the book, Barish also tackles some of the major issues and controversies of contemporary parenting: Have we created a "culture of indulgence" that is harmful to our society and to our children? Are we over-protective and over-solicitous? Are our children "over-praised?" How can we balance our concern for our children's achievement with their responsibilities as citizens? How can we strengthen their sense of purpose and their commitment to ideals? How can we provide our children with effective guidance and discipline when children, as they inevitably will, misbehave? Barish also informs parents of recent advances in developmental, clinical, and neuroscience research - research that has important implications for children's emotional health. These include the importance of emotional communication in families, the profound importance of interactive play in children's social and emotional development, and what kind of praise is helpful to children. He also discusses the importance of "doing for others" and recent research on television and video game violence, and new knowledge of what really works when parents must discipline our children. This book is written for parents of young children - those struggling with chronic child behavior problems as well as those who simply wish to parent mindfully and compassionately, and who are interested in how the latest developmental research can inform good parenting practices.
Show morePride and Joy provides guidance to parents on how they can preserve and strengthen feelings of joyfulness and pride in their relationships with their children, while also nurturing their children's optimism and resilience in the face of life's inevitable disappointments. Kenneth Barish, a child psychologist with over 30 years of clinical experience, begins with a discussion of the importance of the child's emotions - and our own - in optimal child development. In Part I, he presents a child therapist's understanding, supported by scientific research, of healthy and unhealthy emotional development in childhood - what goes right and what goes wrong in the lives healthy and troubled children and families. In Part II, the author discusses four principles of emotional health and character development: Positiveness, Repair, Getting Along with Others, and the development of A Moral Self. Part III addresses problems of daily family life - rules and limits, doing homework and going to sleep, winning and losing at games, our children's reluctance to talk to us, their tantrums and lack of motivation, and their addiction to television and video games. Barish presents recommendations for solving these common problems that so often erode the joyfulness of children and adults' pleasure in being a parent. Over the course of the book, Barish also tackles some of the major issues and controversies of contemporary parenting: Have we created a "culture of indulgence" that is harmful to our society and to our children? Are we over-protective and over-solicitous? Are our children "over-praised?" How can we balance our concern for our children's achievement with their responsibilities as citizens? How can we strengthen their sense of purpose and their commitment to ideals? How can we provide our children with effective guidance and discipline when children, as they inevitably will, misbehave? Barish also informs parents of recent advances in developmental, clinical, and neuroscience research - research that has important implications for children's emotional health. These include the importance of emotional communication in families, the profound importance of interactive play in children's social and emotional development, and what kind of praise is helpful to children. He also discusses the importance of "doing for others" and recent research on television and video game violence, and new knowledge of what really works when parents must discipline our children. This book is written for parents of young children - those struggling with chronic child behavior problems as well as those who simply wish to parent mindfully and compassionately, and who are interested in how the latest developmental research can inform good parenting practices.
Show moreIntroduction
Part I: Basic Principles: Nurturing Your Child's Emotional
Health
Chapter 1 The Emotions of Childhood
Chapter 2 What Matters Most: Understanding and Support
Chapter 3 Optimism and Resilience Versus Demoralization and
Defiance
Chapter 4 Positiveness
Chapter 5 Repair
Chapter 6 The Character of Our Children
Chapter 7 Putting It All Together
Part II: Solving Common Problems of Family Life
Chapter 8 Getting Unstuck: Five Essential Steps for Solving Family
Problems
Chapter 9 The Problem of Discipline: How To Set Limits and What
Limits To Set
Chapter 10 Homework
Chapter 11 "Why Won't She Talk To Us?"
Chapter 12 "He's Not Motivated"
Chapter 13 Tantrums and Meltdowns
Chapter 14 Winning and Losing
Chapter 15 Sleep, Television, and Electronic Games
Part III: Conclusion
Chapter 16 A Philosophy of Childhood and Final Take-Aways
Notes
Further Reading
Index
Kenneth Barish is Clinical Associate Professor of Psychology at Weill Medical College, Cornell University. He is also on the faculty of the Westchester Center for the Study of Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy and the William Alanson White Institute Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy Training Program.
Award-Winning Finalist in the Parenting & Family category of The
2013 USA Best Book Awards, sponsored by USA Book News.
2013 International Book Awards Winner, Parenting & Family
Eric Hoffer Book Award Winner, Home Category
Mom's Choice Award, Gold Winner
National Parenting Publications Award, Silver Winner
ForeWord Reviews Book of the Year Award Finalist, Family and
Relationships
2012 Book of the Year Award Bronze Prize, Family and
Relationships
"This is a wonderful book! This practical and very wise book will
support parents and guardians thinking about how to best manage the
struggles that all children-and all families-have! I wish that I
had been able to read this book when I became a father."-- Jonathan
Cohen, Ph.D., President, Center for Social and Emotional Education
and Adjunct Professor in Psychology and Education, Teachers
College, Columbia University
"Kenneth Barish, a seasoned child therapist, has written a
masterful and wise book. He distills his knowledge of the field and
his many years of working with children and parents into practical
advice that will be enormously helpful to parents navigating the
inevitably rough waters of childhood. Parents will learn how to
enlist their children in solving problems and how to help their
children get unstuck. Compassionate, respectful, and inspiring,
this book
stands out from the crowded field of parenting books. It deserves a
prominent place on every parent's bookshelf."-- Ellen F. Wachtel,
Ph.D., author of Treating Troubled Children and Their Families
"Stepping into the national debate over whether parents are too
soft, or too worried, or too distracted to raise strong kids, Dr.
Barish shares his insights into the emotional lives of children and
what kids need from parents to develop resilience, optimism, the
capacity for hard work, and the other good things we want for them.
Dr. Barish understands that parenting can be child-centered without
indulging or catering to children. By acknowledging kids'
feelings, we can more effectively help them develop
self-discipline. He offers an excellent guide to building the kind
of warm, positive relationship with kids that is the key to
setting, and enforcing, the
limits that they need."-- Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D., President,
Child Mind Institute
"Pride and Joy is a book overflowing with the unmistakable signs of
wisdom that only decades of experience can produce. Ken Barish has
written the book that every clinician dreams about being able to
write and every parent (and grandparent!) dreams about being there
to read. To be sure, solid advice and solutions to parenting
problems are here, but even more important is the sense of
perspective and equanimity with which Barish reassuringly fills
each page. This is a must for every parent's bookshelf. Well
done!"
-- Marshall P. Duke, Ph.D., Charles Howard Candler Professor of
Psychology, Emory University and Editor of Journal of Family
Life
"Understanding children requires understanding and responding
wisely to the emotions that enliven--and sometimes
undermine--children's everyday experience. Dr. Barish expertly
weaves together the insights of developmental science, a
clinician's experience, and the practical knowledge of a father to
provide guidance to the challenges of parenthood. This book is wise
and smart." -- Ross A. Thompson, Ph.D., Distinguished Professor,
Department of Psychology,
University of California-Davis
"Written in an accessible manner, Dr. Barish offers many nuggets of
advice concerning the rearing of children in this confusing,
complex society. He emphasizes the need to support children's
emotional health through sharing their joys, offering solace when
they are sad or disappointed, and by addressing any conflicts that
may occur between parent and child. Research is cited throughout
the book, but in language that is lucid and free of jargon. Dr.
Barish
cites many examples that deal with children's problems drawn from
his clinical practice, adding to the richness of this book."-- Dr.
Dorothy G. Singer, Department of Psychology, Yale University
"If you only buy one parenting book in the next ten years, do
yourself (and your children) a favor and make it Pride and Joy: A
Guide to Understanding Your Child's Emotions and Solving Family
Problems by Dr. Kenneth Barish... Pride and Joy will certainly help
parents repair and enrich relationships with their children while
helping them establish the rules and limits children really do
crave. Best Parenting Book of 2012." -- Gina Stepp,
examiner.com
"Parents who wish to focus more on the positive, who want ideas of
how to deal with
behavioral difficulties, and who would like to raise children who
are optimistic and
confident would greatly benefit from this easy-to-read,
easy-to-put-into-practice book." -- Michelle Stroffolino Schmidt,
PsycCRITIQUES
"... a valuable addition to a genre of literature intended to
support and educate parents. It provides not only a lexicon for
emotions but also a language and approach enabling parents to reach
out to their children in a helpful, joyful way. The language of the
author is readily available to parents because of its clarity and
positive intent. These are words that can be quickly assimilated by
the parent reading in moments of calm or anxiety searching for
alternative solutions. Congratulations to the author on this
innovative, integrative, and necessary slender volume."--Journal of
Infant, Child, and Adolescent
Psychotherapy
"We all have fears as we raise our children, and we try so hard to
get it right, though we're never quite certain if we are where we
should be. Ken Barish, who has been there as a parent and has seen
almost everything kids can get into during his years of practice,
provides the information you seek and helps you get your bearings.
If you are a parent, you will reach for this book like it's the
hand of a dear and knowing friend reaching out to offer help.
Pride
and Joy is a superb book-brilliant, wise, timely, and fun to read.
It is heartfelt and full of treasures every parent will store up
and use." -- Edward (Ned) Hallowell, M.D., Founder of The
Hallowell
Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health, and author of The
Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness
"As a child therapist and a parent, I am much the richer for having
read Barish's work." --Henry Kronengold, PhD, Psychoanalytic
Psychology
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