Healing starts the moment you feel heard.
This is part of my abortion story and journey of healing. Along with my husband, Peter, sharing from a male perspective, which is often not heard.
I am not a counsellor, but someone with certain life experiences which has shaped me into the person I am today.
I did, however, train in Mental Health and did some community papers, which have given an added insight into the effects abortion can have on a person's emotional and physical wellbeing.
Through my own journey and hearing from many other post abortive women, the realisation of what we have done may hit within days of the termination, months or not come for many years. Realising that for many of us, the periods of depression, anxiety and un¿ llable void within, can often link back to the abortion.
Many post abortive women are struggling alone with their pain and just waiting for the right person to hear her story. Someone who understands what she's going through and someone who will not condemn her or minimise what has happened.
Our hope is that sharing some of our story, will not only help others on their journey of healing, but also help those that ¿nd themselves with an unplanned pregnancy and are going through life-changing decision making. That people will be fully informed and know of all support options available to them.
Walk gently in people's lives, as you never know what they have been through, or going through at this very moment and they are just waiting for the right person to hear their story - Marina Young
So often we look at other people, and think they have got it all together. But you never know the journey someone else has travelled.
My name is Marina and I am a New Zealander. My husband, Peter, and I have been married for 28+ years, and we have three adult children. Over the years, our marriage-like everyone else's-has had its ups and downs. But we also carried within our hearts a deep and secret loss. A loss which we could not grieve for or talk about openly.
Peter accompanied me to the abortion clinic, where I met with a counsellor. She agreed with my anxieties, indicated it was "for the best", and promised to hold my hand during the procedure. I was still frightened and confused, but agreed to go through with it. I was awake during the whole thing and felt the suction: it took all of 10 minutes to change my life. Although my main feeling at the time was numbness, that day is forever etched in my memory. I will never forget the other women in the recovery room crying for the babies they had lost.
A part of me died. I changed from an outgoing girl to someone who was more withdrawn, more within myself. Few people close to me knew what had happened; not my friends, didn't tell my parents. It would have been their first grandchild.
I realized quickly there was no place to openly grieve our loss. Our marriage became marked by periods of private depression, when I mourned the loss of our baby. I was often distant, withdrawn. Peter too was suffering but he dealt with it inside and didn't want to show it. He wanted to put it all behind us. We had difficulty communicating. I suffered emotionally and physically. As our family grew, I would look at our children and see their similarities and wonder which sibling our first baby would have most resembled. I still wonder. And, yes, sometimes there are still tears.
Over the past few years, however, I have grown as a person, as a wife and as mother to my children. Peter and I were able to come to a point where we grieved together, which enabled us to move forward. I have walked a long road to grace and forgiveness-and it is because of this healing that I can now talk about it openly. The abortion experience has never left me, and for years I have wondered how to give other women like myself a safe place to grieve; how to give them a way to commemorate the babies lost. For there is no grave we can visit, no place to lay flowers, no tangible way of remembering them.
Then I came across the story of the Paper Clip Project, and the idea for the Buttons Project was born. My journey of healing has led to strength and hope-and a passion to help others who have been through a similar experience. Sending in a button or a story won't heal anyone in and of itself, but it is a place to start... or one of many steps for someone already on the journey to healing.
I named our aborted baby, "Hope". Hope for the future; hope to be a good mum, wife and friend: hope to make a positive difference in this world. And so I have started the project by giving a button. It is for my baby, Hope, and for me. It is for hope in the future and peace with the past. It is for closure, and to commemorate something that was a part of us.
I look forward to receiving many, many more buttons-and to hearing your comments and stories.
¿
We have written a booklet "The Unforgotten Babies" The inspiration behind the Buttons Project. It is part of my abortion story and journey of healing. Along with my husband Peter, sharing from a male perspective, which is often not heard. If you are interested in this booklet, which also has links to where to get help, please contact me on marina@buttonsproject.org or order through www.buttonsproject.org or Amazon
Marina Young
Healing starts the moment you feel heard.
This is part of my abortion story and journey of healing. Along with my husband, Peter, sharing from a male perspective, which is often not heard.
I am not a counsellor, but someone with certain life experiences which has shaped me into the person I am today.
I did, however, train in Mental Health and did some community papers, which have given an added insight into the effects abortion can have on a person's emotional and physical wellbeing.
Through my own journey and hearing from many other post abortive women, the realisation of what we have done may hit within days of the termination, months or not come for many years. Realising that for many of us, the periods of depression, anxiety and un¿ llable void within, can often link back to the abortion.
Many post abortive women are struggling alone with their pain and just waiting for the right person to hear her story. Someone who understands what she's going through and someone who will not condemn her or minimise what has happened.
Our hope is that sharing some of our story, will not only help others on their journey of healing, but also help those that ¿nd themselves with an unplanned pregnancy and are going through life-changing decision making. That people will be fully informed and know of all support options available to them.
Walk gently in people's lives, as you never know what they have been through, or going through at this very moment and they are just waiting for the right person to hear their story - Marina Young
So often we look at other people, and think they have got it all together. But you never know the journey someone else has travelled.
My name is Marina and I am a New Zealander. My husband, Peter, and I have been married for 28+ years, and we have three adult children. Over the years, our marriage-like everyone else's-has had its ups and downs. But we also carried within our hearts a deep and secret loss. A loss which we could not grieve for or talk about openly.
Peter accompanied me to the abortion clinic, where I met with a counsellor. She agreed with my anxieties, indicated it was "for the best", and promised to hold my hand during the procedure. I was still frightened and confused, but agreed to go through with it. I was awake during the whole thing and felt the suction: it took all of 10 minutes to change my life. Although my main feeling at the time was numbness, that day is forever etched in my memory. I will never forget the other women in the recovery room crying for the babies they had lost.
A part of me died. I changed from an outgoing girl to someone who was more withdrawn, more within myself. Few people close to me knew what had happened; not my friends, didn't tell my parents. It would have been their first grandchild.
I realized quickly there was no place to openly grieve our loss. Our marriage became marked by periods of private depression, when I mourned the loss of our baby. I was often distant, withdrawn. Peter too was suffering but he dealt with it inside and didn't want to show it. He wanted to put it all behind us. We had difficulty communicating. I suffered emotionally and physically. As our family grew, I would look at our children and see their similarities and wonder which sibling our first baby would have most resembled. I still wonder. And, yes, sometimes there are still tears.
Over the past few years, however, I have grown as a person, as a wife and as mother to my children. Peter and I were able to come to a point where we grieved together, which enabled us to move forward. I have walked a long road to grace and forgiveness-and it is because of this healing that I can now talk about it openly. The abortion experience has never left me, and for years I have wondered how to give other women like myself a safe place to grieve; how to give them a way to commemorate the babies lost. For there is no grave we can visit, no place to lay flowers, no tangible way of remembering them.
Then I came across the story of the Paper Clip Project, and the idea for the Buttons Project was born. My journey of healing has led to strength and hope-and a passion to help others who have been through a similar experience. Sending in a button or a story won't heal anyone in and of itself, but it is a place to start... or one of many steps for someone already on the journey to healing.
I named our aborted baby, "Hope". Hope for the future; hope to be a good mum, wife and friend: hope to make a positive difference in this world. And so I have started the project by giving a button. It is for my baby, Hope, and for me. It is for hope in the future and peace with the past. It is for closure, and to commemorate something that was a part of us.
I look forward to receiving many, many more buttons-and to hearing your comments and stories.
¿
We have written a booklet "The Unforgotten Babies" The inspiration behind the Buttons Project. It is part of my abortion story and journey of healing. Along with my husband Peter, sharing from a male perspective, which is often not heard. If you are interested in this booklet, which also has links to where to get help, please contact me on marina@buttonsproject.org or order through www.buttonsproject.org or Amazon
Marina Young
So often we look at other people, and think they have got it all together. But you never know the journey someone else has travelled. My name is Marina and I am a New Zealander. My husband, Peter, and I have been married for 28+ years, and we have three adult children. Over the years, our marriage-like everyone else's-has had its ups and downs. But we also carried within our hearts a deep and secret loss. A loss which we could not grieve for or talk about openly. Peter accompanied me to the abortion clinic, where I met with a counsellor. She agreed with my anxieties, indicated it was "for the best", and promised to hold my hand during the procedure. I was still frightened and confused, but agreed to go through with it. I was awake during the whole thing and felt the suction: it took all of 10 minutes to change my life. Although my main feeling at the time was numbness, that day is forever etched in my memory. I will never forget the other women in the recovery room crying for the babies they had lost. A part of me died. I changed from an outgoing girl to someone who was more withdrawn, more within myself. Few people close to me knew what had happened; not my friends, didn't tell my parents. It would have been their first grandchild. I realized quickly there was no place to openly grieve our loss. Our marriage became marked by periods of private depression, when I mourned the loss of our baby. I was often distant, withdrawn. Peter too was suffering but he dealt with it inside and didn't want to show it. He wanted to put it all behind us. We had difficulty communicating. I suffered emotionally and physically. As our family grew, I would look at our children and see their similarities and wonder which sibling our first baby would have most resembled. I still wonder. And, yes, sometimes there are still tears. Over the past few years, however, I have grown as a person, as a wife and as mother to my children. Peter and I were able to come to a point where we grieved together, which enabled us to move forward. I have walked a long road to grace and forgiveness-and it is because of this healing that I can now talk about it openly. The abortion experience has never left me, and for years I have wondered how to give other women like myself a safe place to grieve; how to give them a way to commemorate the babies lost. For there is no grave we can visit, no place to lay flowers, no tangible way of remembering them. Then I came across the story of the Paper Clip Project, and the idea for the Buttons Project was born. My journey of healing has led to strength and hope-and a passion to help others who have been through a similar experience. Sending in a button or a story won't heal anyone in and of itself, but it is a place to start... or one of many steps for someone already on the journey to healing. I named our aborted baby, "Hope". Hope for the future; hope to be a good mum, wife and friend: hope to make a positive difference in this world. And so I have started the project by giving a button. It is for my baby, Hope, and for me. It is for hope in the future and peace with the past. It is for closure, and to commemorate something that was a part of us. I look forward to receiving many, many more buttons-and to hearing your comments and stories. We have written a booklet "The Unforgotten Babies" The inspiration behind the Buttons Project. It is part of my abortion story and journey of healing. Along with my husband Peter, sharing from a male perspective, which is often not heard. If you are interested in this booklet, which also has links to where to get help, please contact me on marina@buttonsproject.org or order through www.buttonsproject.org or Amazon Marina Young
"I am so grateful to both Marina and Peter for opening up their
lives and experience in order that others might hear about the
reality of abortion and its effect on women, men, marriages,
families, and ultimately, society. This resource speaks truth, and
as we know from the Gospel of John, "the truth will set you free".
Please read this book - and then share it! Choose life."Bob
McCoskrie, National Director, Family First NZ
www.familyfirst.org.nz "Unforgotten Babies is the story behind the
Buttons Project. A personal story of two people; Marina and Peter
Young. Nothing speaks louder than personal experiences and when it
comes to the experience
of abortion, we know that it takes courage to share
one's story. In reading the booklet, I appreciated the authors'
owning and heartfelt expressions of the reality of what happened
and what it has meant. What stands out is how abortion is never an
isolated event. It happens in the context of each individual's
personal history, and the circumstances at the time of the
pregnancy as perceived and experienced by each person, and the
partnership. This creates an often complex web of influence which
plays out over time for two souls genuinely seeking a good outcome
to what is a difficult and problematic situation filled with
conflict and emotion. It is often underestimated how much an
abortion experience can impact and alter a person. This booklet
describes clearly how an abortion can be significant and the
effects lasting and widespread. I was deeply struck by Marina's
attitude, as an adult mother herself, to her mum, which was aptly
reflected in the quote she shared: "Before you start to judge me,
step into my shoes and walk the life I'm living, and if you get as
far as I am, just maybe you will see how strong I really am." Also
I was moved deeply by Peter's admission of the change in him
afterwards. "I realised I needed healing... to acknowledge my
failings, admitting my mistakes and seeking... forgiveness." That
philosophy, understanding and respect is now demonstrated in Marina
and Peter's work with the Buttons Project, where they are able to
use their own abortion experience to reach out and support others
on their journey of healing. They offer Christ-like love and
acceptance in meeting others who are struggling with the loss and
trauma of a recent or past experience. And the buttons being
collected signify that each life mattered, which is hugely
powerful, as abortion remains such a disenfranchised loss. Thank
you Marina and Peter for your willingness to be open about how
abortion touched and changed each of you, and you as a couple. I
sincerely hope that in reading your booklet, others with similar
experiences will feel that they are not alone, and can find hope as
you have done. May you be richly blessed as you bless others with
the Buttons Project."Carolina Gnad, Founder & Co-ordinator of
Education & Training
P.A.T.H.S. (Post Abortion Trauma Healing Service)
www.postabortionpaths.org.nz
0800 728 470 "A 'lived experience', written with humble honesty,
allowing the reader new insights. A very valuable resource for New
Zealand and beyond."Cushla Hassan BN.NZRCN., Co-founder & Clinical
Nurse Manager
GP based Hapai Taumaha Hapūtanga, Crisis Pregnancy Support
www.crisispregnancysupport.org.nz
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